Death and tragedy conjure up all sorts of pictures and emotions of grief, loss, anger and heartache.
A pattern of understandable behaviour replayed all over the world – but perhaps not everywhere.
Just because this is the way you have always known it, does not make it right. There is a fine line between being right and being happy.
Let us take a look at what we are and where we live. We live in a universe and we are a planet within it. On the planet Earth are individuals we call humans. Within their bodies are organ structures, cells, molecules, atoms and movement we refer to as energy. There are many different dimensions to think about, but what it all comes down to is energy. Everything in the universe is energy.
You are energy, so what do we know about energy? Quantum physicists would say “energy can never be created or destroyed, it always was, always has been, everything that ever existed always exists, it’s moving into form, through form and out of form”, to quote James Ray.
If you go to a man of the Church and ask “Who created the Universe?” he will say God - "God can never be created or destroyed, He always was, always has been. Everything that ever existed, always exists. He is moving into form, through form and out of form."
So, the true essence of you, the energy of you, has always been and always will be and can never be destroyed. You can never not be you. Can you imagine not existing? – no you can’t, you are infinite!
We live in shells which house our essence, which we call our body. That body has a natural life cycle. So, when the body dies – that is exactly what is dying, not the true essence of the person you have come to know and love. So, I would suggest that instead of mourning the loss of their physical presence, embrace the fact that they are still around you and always will be; don’t shut them out.
Most people, in grief, think that the person has come to an end, but they are still around you. In Hawaii, when somebody’s body has died, they continue to embrace their essence in the family by laying a place at the table for them for some considerable time, sometimes up to a year, to always be remembered, but more importantly, to still be included.
Other practices include allowing the essence to continue to live through the eyes of the family by including them still. Your friends and loved ones in spirit would not want you to mourn and be forever sad. They would want you to participate in life to the full. So many people show their loved ones that their life can still be abundant and full and include their loved ones in their experience of it. e.g:
“John, you should see the children fishing this afternoon. Jack is casting just the way you taught him, you would be so proud.”
By not shutting out the energy of the loved one, you allow them still to be a part of the family and there can be a shift from embracing a loved one from physical form to energy form. What is important is that you continue to embrace life fully and you are celebrating the lives of those who have moved into energy before you, in a really positive way.
The Church said, “... and on the third day he rose again.” Jesus changed from physical form to non-physical form and is still embraced in the lives of millions of people the world over. Your loved ones who have gone before you are no different. Their energy continues too, and can be called upon for help and advice; someone to still share experiences with.
Sometimes the loss or departure of a loved one is expected through illness or old age and we are able to prepare ourselves for their departure. Sometimes it can be sudden or unexpected. Having the understanding that because we are energy and not just our physical body, enables us to experience their departure in a more positive way.
Another aspect of death highlighted by the Dalai Lama, is inconsolable grief. When you lose someone you are truly close to and the grief is so overwhelming, it can last for a very long time. Quite simply, your loss is so great that a part of you metaphorically dies with them and therefore is in essence in the grave with them, where it does not belong. As that part of your essence is not truly “living”, it is decaying, and therefore you experience a long-term lack of joy and just do not feel whole. The other aspect of this is that the loved one who has passed over, can feel the overwhelming upset their passing has caused and naturally wishes to hang around and be there for you. This can make them miss the opportunity to pass over as their pull towards you is so great.
How do we address this?
Quite simply, we (the grief-stricken), must turn away from death and retrieve that bit of them that was in essence left in the grave with the loved one lost, to become whole again. We must embrace life fully and show the loved one, who is still around, that you will now embrace life and include them in it. Work is also done to enable the loved one, who has passed, to continue on their journey into the light, where they truly belong. Working with these scenarios is profound, emotionally moving and it is an absolute honour to bring back to balance energies who have been so lost on so many plains.
Losing a child is probably one of the most devastating emotions of all. Be it through accident, illness, miscarriage or abortion, your life must go on. We do this by honouring the small one who is lost. For example, as you are playing a game of tennis and you ace a shot, your thoughts can be, “that shot was for you Johnny, this is what it feels like to do the perfect serve.” Or you are eating the most amazing piece of chocolate cake where your taste buds leap out of your tongue and ricochet around your molars. Thoughts can be, “Sarah we so loved making chocolate cake together, this mouthful is for you” and you continue to make chocolate cake regularly, and be the best version of you. The lost child gets to experience life through you, they are included and know what life is like, they are not shut out. When you shut something out there is loss - when you embrace it wholly, there is completeness and a sense of peace.
So, let us celebrate the lives of those we thought we had lost by continuing to embrace them into our lives. Include them in your thoughts, in your actions and continue to show them that you live on abundantly and joyfully in the knowledge that they are still around us.